On Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes ...
Change. Apparently it's the only constant, predictability we can ever expect...so why is it so darn hard?!
I am not a lover of big changes...even with my experience as a therapist and helping guide people through the discomfort of life changes every day, I seem to get all avoidant, uncomfortable and overwhelmed when a big change pops up in my life. I avoid...avoid...pretend...disregard...until BAM! It's happening...Like one of my nearest and dearest best friends who moves to Japan this week...I did that until last night. Got hit with the sadness like a ton of bricks...; but also hit with the happiness, the joy, the excitement I have for her on this amazing journey she's about to embark on. And my overwhelming relief for her in finding freedom and happiness and true love. This symbol instantly comes to mind...
It is a refreshing and comforting reminder that everything is connected...that on the other side of sadness is joy; on the other side of fear is endless possibilities; on the other side of anxiety is calm; on the other side of change is routine...and that it is all connected, cyclical and okay. That to feel deep, hallow sadness means we can experience sparkling, all encompassing happiness; and that without one, the other doesn't exist in the same powerful way.
So in the name of constant change and my lovely best-one who embarks on a beautiful journey this week, some ideas on how to embrace the only certainty, being change, in a way that feels better than a BAM:
Lean into the discomfort of it (from the ever wise Brene Brown)
Avoiding causes the BAM. Leaning into, taking a peak at, getting acclimatized to a change helps the change feel less abrupt and more like 'Okay, here it is. I thought it might feel this way; man this is tough...but I'm going to be okay'. It's like dipping our toe into the hot bath water...then dipping to our knee....then to our waist and going 'oh man, this is hotter than I thought!', until our whole body is immersed and it feels warm and comforting and we are discovering the bubbles smell good and it's better than we imagined it could be; until we make a bath our new daily routine because it is just so darn lovely. Lean right in to the change and it'll be easier to digest- and may even be more wonderful than you thought!
Name it to Tame it.
This is a classic one for me (coined by the ever wise Dr. Dan Siegel...) that I eagerly adopted from my work with children in helping them to feel, tolerate and understand what feelings are. The same goes for change; talk about it! Name the feelings that are coming along with the change; what's shareable is bearable (another good from Dr. S!!!)-if we can talk about what's on the inside, it shrinks and becomes less big and all encompassing. And we might even hear similar stories about how others have coped. Like last night when I got home; my partner was already sleeping but woke up briefly to check in with a back rub and a 'how are you'. I burst into tears and said I was so sad. He hugged me until I stopped...and sure enough this morning, I still feel some sadness; but it's not nearly as overwhelming as it felt last night.
Remember there are Endless Possibilities, too.
On the other side of the sad, hard part of change are the endless possibilities that come with change. When the fear and worry take over leading up to a change, we loose our ability to let in the good of change; the bits of change that are remarkable and new and exciting and different. We forget that through change, amazing things can happen and we can become a better version of ourselves; a version we never knew existed because we were clinging onto familiarity for dear life. A therapist I once saw said this to me and it was like a cold bucket of fresh, floral smelling water being thrown over my face. It was so refreshing and inviting and something I had never considered as a hater of change. Always let yourself remember the endless possibilities, too.
This post is an ode to my beautiful friend who is diving right into an amazing life change with a smile on her face and hope in her heart. xo