On Naming it to Tame it...
Whoa!
I can’t believe the time that’s flown!!! I miss writing and was reminded that yes, I do have a BLOG that I started years back that brought me so much joy and creative expression that it’s time to get back! So here I am, alive and (mostly) well…
I say mostly well because well, I’m mostly okay-ish…and when I thought ‘what the heck should I write about after so many months’ I thought it was a very apropos Name it to Tame it moment (Name it to Tame it is from the ever wise Dan Siegel who I continue to learn oodles from always! Look him up and read his books if you don’t know of him…he is an uber genius…) It’s a saying that’s always stuck with me and t I’ve found especially helpful with clients little and big who struggle with and fear talking about the tough stuff (i.e. the hard feelings; the big feelings; the awful experiences they’ve had etc etc…). And something that big me had to learn late too!
So here I am, start of December, trying to fight falling into overwhelm (the key so far is I’m seeing it…I’m noticing it coming on and I’m aware that there is stuff I can do to slow it all down and tune into what I need…easier said than done, peeps, but I’m trying!)
So I'm deciding to practice what I preach and naming it with a hopes of taming it…
See, I’m a recovering Scrooge of sorts. Yes you read that correctly; I don’t love Christmas. In fact, I’ve had to work really hard at making it something that feels special enough and enjoyable enough and somewhat relaxing. And still, sometimes it is and sometimes it’s not. You see, my brain has more sad memories from Christmas than happy ones overall, so it means it still gets a little “eek, it’s Christmas again! It’s coming…be prepared and stay tuned…and hold on because it’s coming”.
Don’t feel sad or bad for me; this is just how our brains work sometimes when we’ve experienced sad, traumatizing events around a certain time in life (more to come another time on the brain and trauma). I think I wanted to Name it because it’s more exhausting and less than helpful for me when I try and ‘push through’ and pretend I’m good and excited and happy about the upcoming festivities. Instead, I’ve learned that when I can name it to my loving partner or be honest with my best friends and family what I’m feeling, I feel less overwhelmed and more able to be present to see what it truly will be (the last 7ish years, it’s actually been quite lovely, overall. Lots of yum food, laid back times, and some important learning on how to set a boundary which felt SO good!)
Now, I’m also naming it here because I know I’m not alone! As a therapist and social worker, I hear and see the stress the holidays can bring day in, day out this time of year. So if this is you, I encourage you to find a trusted loved one and name it! Name it with no guilt-you are allowed to feel however you feel and when you can acknowledge that within yourself, it often can lead to less pressure and stress, allowing you to learn in and create real straditions, rituals and practices that ACTUALLY soothe your soul.
So here is my Coping with the Holidays To Do List, in hopes that it’ll encourage me and others to take good care during this busy time of year:
Say No more! Yes, say no to unnecessary rushing around, events that don’t bring you up, and stuff that just doesn’t resonate with your soul.
Keep (or create!) your self care rituals going. For me, this means x4 week of movement (workouts, yoga, walks, stretching), nourishing foods much of the time, good solid sleeps, and writing my morning gratitudes/reading my thought of the day. Hugely important and hardest to keep going during off routine times (Christmas!)
Be nice to yourself. This is a biggie and a hardie… If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to be hard on yourself. I can be relentless on myself about how I SHOULD feel, or on what I SHOULD be doing, or about how I SHOULD be happy because the past is done…etc etc etc…But here’s the thing; all that does is feed our sense of sadness, push down feelings of grief, and make us feel like more of a shlump when everyone else is ‘seemingly’ so happy because it’s the holidays. Think about what you might say to a friend if they were sharing the same thoughts with you.
That’s all for now. And wow-it does feel relieving to get it out and own my half-Scroogy-status. And now, I’ll stay tuned to see what’s to come…and take good care in the meantime.